He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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