i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
