Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
