Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
