Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
