I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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