your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
