Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
