How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
