so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
