When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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