no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
