Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize