I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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