I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
