And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Im part way to drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
