I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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