mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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