yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
