So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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