home. puking in laundry basket.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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