I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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