If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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