A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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