Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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