i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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