Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
