If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
