He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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