just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
