so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
