You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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