literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
