Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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