There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
