did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
operation have a gay friend backfired
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
