Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
PANTIES FOUND
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