I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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