my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
