All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She told me I should be a condom model.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
