hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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