I am spending my child support on dildos
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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