addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
