I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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