I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
