well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
