And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
