You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
