2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
