Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
