I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
