how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drunk is not a location!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
