Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
