I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
These tits shall not be calmed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
