There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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