just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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