Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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