Old men and throwing up are my life now.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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