I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
