I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
her vagine was all disorganized.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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