My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
