Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The ass gains better be worth it
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