I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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