Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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