im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
