...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
