you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
