when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
