shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
