If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
