That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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