I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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