your room smells of hookers.
And success
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
